Hello out there.

Here I sit at a new desk- I'm temping again. There's been some new developments since last Monday but I was so fried from work this whole week to sit and gather my thoughts.

So here we go, cause I've had time to process.

This week, one of the stylist's tips went missing. Let me lay out the scene that happened:

Every client that comes up to check out, I ask if they'd like to leave a cash tip or put one on the card. I want the stylists to get their tips because they have to deal with a lot and that's part of my job. So every client I ask them these questions and they either put the tip on their card or they put cash in these little envelopes that we have. There was a stylist on this day last week that didn't have any clients at the beginning of the week and I made sure to book her with several people a day or so before because I wanted to make sure she got her money. That's just who I am. I want to work hard and well for every job that I have. Anyway- The stylist ended up with five or so appointments that she didn't have the day before and I was happy that I could fill her schedule.

So the clients come and go, paying with cards and some of them left cash tips. I don't keep track of how many envelopes that a stylist gets- I just take the envelope and put it into a small file folder that we have behind the desk that has all their names on the slots. And, again, I don't have the time or the want to count how many envelopes that they have. All I do is hand them their tips at the end of their shift, or I just hand them the file folder and let them do it.

Now the stylist comes up at the end of her shift- after we close so myself and the front desk assistant are waiting to clock everything out and close out the register and all that. She asks for her tips and I hand her the folder- I am in the middle of our close out procedures- and she asks where her other tip is. First of all, I don't know how many tips she has, I don't know how many she was supposed to have this day, and I don't have tips just laying around. She asks and I didn't really know what she wanted. She said she was supposed to have a red envelope (we ran out of regular brown ones so there's been a mix of red and brown envelopes for days) and I don't know what to tell her. She says that she saw one of her clients hand me a red envelope, but again, I don't really keep track, I just put them in the folder.

I can tell she's somewhat upset and it sets me on edge because I don't want to be accused of wrong doing, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. I should have told her to search my bag, just to prove it, but I was in the middle of closing out and she walked out before I could say it. I end up feeling bad the rest of the night.

Now the next day, I come in and the owner of the salon, also a stylist, is trying to playback the cameras we have at the desk, to check on last night. I'm frustrated but I don't want to seem upset so I just go about my business. Apart of me really wants them to watch them because then they'd see that I didn't do anything. Lo and behold, the cameras haven't been working/recording for a while so they can't watch anything that happened. Now the owner is buying a lock box for the tips and got the cameras to work-which is honestly fine because I hate being responsible for those things and it frustrated that anyone could suspect me of being underhanded. No one is accusing me of anything but it does feel like the stylist still think I did something.

I've been at this job for a couple months and I think that I've proven to be a model employee and I've been handling money, tips, deposits for them all this time and nothing has been amiss. The biggest question I have is 'Why would I take one stylist tip when I've had plenty of opportunities to take stylists tips who have left for the day and forgotten. But that's not who I am. That isn't how I work or how I want people to think of me. I'm so worried about karma that I would never do something like that. Now it feels like I'm not trusted and I hate that. I can't do much more than comply with the changes and try my best to be okay with the doubts. It's not that big of a deal- I think if they really thought something that the owner would have talked to me but it still feels murky sometimes. I've worked several days after with no incident and with good rapport with everyone at the salon so hopefully we can put this to bed.

I'm not staying there long, anyway- but that's a topic for another day.

So, first official post:

I'm currently writing this from the receptionist desk of a tech service company in downtown Chicago- I'm temping today.

I do have a full time job working as a manager of a salon but on my day off I decided to take this one.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I need the money. Like most of my fellow millennials, who work a few jobs at a time, I am no different. I'm in this spot currently because I'm in between theater gigs at the moment. I do have a contract for later in September but I have to pay bills in the meantime.

That's where my frustration comes from.

Now don't misunderstand me. I understand the necessity of paying rent and health insurance and car insurance and all of those things necessary to live in this country. But, damn is it expensive.
Like, I am worried about buying groceries and still paying rent worried.

I can't understand how someone can work for about forty hours a week and not be able to afford food.

I'm lucky though, because if I ever needed it, my parents would undoubtedly help me in any way that they could. I feel like a sh*tty daughter every time I ask for help, though, not because they make me feel bad but because I'm supposed to be an adult and have my act together. That's where my anxiety and frustration come from. I don't want to have to call my parents when I can't afford medicine. I would love to travel and see them more often but I can't because I have to work every day I can so that I can afford my rent and pay my bills. All of the anxiety and frustration compound on top of one another until I feel like I'm sinking under the weight of it all. 

I'm not irresponsible- I pay my college loans, rent, car insurance, paying off my car, and my utilities. That amounts to about a little over a thousand dollars a month. It doesn't seem too bad until you factor in the other external expenses that one needs to pay in order to live- food, gas, clothes, etc. If I pay the minimum it still would amount to probably two hundred more a month in addition to my bills. So with a grand total of twelve hundred dollars needed a month to survive and with a job paying roughly fifteen dollars an hour you'd think that would be enough to pay for everything, save a little and have some left over for miscellaneous expenses. You'd be wrong.

Part of the money I make a month gets taken out by taxes. I understand that taxes are a thing- I understand that in order to make this country/government run that I have to pay taxes. It's not the taxes that I take issue with. It's the amount that I get paid.

I shouldn't have to scrimp and worry because I don't get paid enough. I should be able to work forty hours a week and be able to afford a living.

So now the question is- What can be done?

Well for starters, we need a living wage, minimum wage across the board should be updated and maintained equal to the cost of living. I shouldn't have to work two jobs at the same time to afford just to survive. No one should.

Second, we need to reevaluate the amount we spend in taxes. Now this comes from the government but it's up to us the people to demand this from our politicians. I know, especially now that there's been a feeling in the public that the people in power don't work for us and I understand. I feel the same. It's still our responsibility to put people in power that will actually create change and work for us. It's our responsibility to hold those people accountable and fight for the things we need. We have to demand it and fight for it, otherwise things wont change.

I know that some of you reading this will, no doubt, be demoralized because I'm not offering a ready made solution to this problem. I understand and I wish it could be that simple. Unfortunately, if we want lasting change we're going to have to fight for it. We're going to have to vote people into places of power that will make the policy changes and make them last. We need to do this. I need to do this and I will. Because I'm tired. I'm tired of the worry and the feeling of failure.

I'm fighting.

Hey-

I say, yelling out into the void that is the universe of the internet.

Hello, my fellows, my dudes, my girls, my friends.

This is my introduction:

I'm tired. Tired of venting all my frustrations into the soft sham of my pillow at night. I'm tired of watching from the sidelines while people I look up to do what I've been too scared or uncomfortable to do. This is the moment when I put my foot down and start standing up for what I believe in. This is the moment where all the fears and self doubts take a swift jump off a cliff and I have no other excuses.

This is for me. This is for the causes and people that I believe in. This is for change. This is for the people who feel like they can't stand up. This is ultimately for all of us.

Thank you.